Tears – Fiction (Written 8/26/2008)

February 25, 2010

My tears are ugly. I can’t poeticize them. They don’t slide down my cheeks like dewdrops on the petal of a morning glory, waiting for the sun to wipe them away. They are harsh. They are raw. They are real.
My weeping reveals a weakness I wanted to remain hidden deep inside me. A weakness I never wanted him to see. I want him to see that I am strong. I want him to see that I am independent. I want him to know that he holds no control over me. But he knows the truth. All because of a few stupid tears.
I know I’m giving him some sort of sick pleasure, some perverse satisfaction. He knows he’s reduced me to this. I want to break his face. I want to smash the mouth that condescends, that insults, that speak words that make me feel guilty when I’m innocent. Then I remember that I love him, that without him I have nothing and no one. I’m torn between wanting to kill him and wanting to cling to him and tell him how sorry I am for overreacting. We always work things out in the end.
These tears are tears of self-loathing. They are mourning the loss of my self respect. They tell him he’s in control once again. I can never stick to my resolve. I say the words he knows he’ll hear, and hate myself for my weakness.
Maybe one day these tears of fragility will become tears of power and strength. Perhaps one day my tears will accompany the firm decision to walk away and be my own person once again. He smiles because he knows that day is not today. I shudder for the same reason.

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Intro to Shadowrose81

February 25, 2010

I’m a former efx/efx2blogs/efx3 blogger… But since those are all dead/abandoned I’ll try a new home right here.

A lil about me…

I’m 28, live near Philadelphia, and work as a dental office manager. I am a mommy to two beautiful cats (Storm and Misty). I am a born-again Christian and am part of a drama group at my church. I bought my first home a little over a year ago and am currently redecorating – pictures will follow at some point.

I like to travel but have not had much opportunity to do so. I’ve been all over the U.S. – Mississippi, Louisiana, Arizona, Nevada, Massachusetts, New York, New Jersey, Florida, Virginia, Washington, D.C., Alaska (the best trip ever)… but besides passing through Canada, I’ve never been outside the US. I’m planning a Caribbean cruise for sometime next year, so I’ll get to explore a few new places 🙂

I like writing poetry and flash fiction. It usually comes out pretty bad but I have fun with it. I’m sure some samples will find their way onto this blog. Most of my writing is very dark and depressing, but anyone who knows me knows I’m a very happy person. For some reason my writing just comes out that way.

I’ll look forward to eventually linking up with other users on here. For now, good night and happy blogging!

Hello world!

February 25, 2010

Welcome to WordPress.com. This is your first post. Edit or delete it and start blogging!